Saturday, July 20, 2013

We forgot our bank details that's why we cannot buy new players

Amidst growing outrage over Arsenal once again failing to spend money in the summer transfer window, chief executive Ivan Gazidis has publicly admitted that they have not been able to spend because they have forgotten all of the club's bank details. Despite rumored interest in the likes of Gonzalo Higuain, Luis Suarez, Stevan Jovetic and Wayne Rooney, Arsenal have only brought in 20-year-old French striker Yaya Sanogo on a free transfer so far this summer. With this new admission, Arsenal are hoping that supporters and critics will allow them the time necessary to track down the vital banking information.

"In an effort to build up the club's finances, Arsene Wenger and I decided to hide all of the bank information and withdrawal slips so no one would be tempted to spend," Gazidis told reporters.

"Everyone forgets things," Gazidis concluded. "Keys, umbrellas, the means to access accounts holding hundreds of millions of pounds — it happens literally all the time."